AND LOTS OF OTHER GOOD REASONS 
FOR ORDERING MY KAZOOS
You'd think that I wouldn't have much free time what with all these kazoos to make and all. But I guess I've been doing this so long that besides avoiding the saw and planer blades, and dodging the sawdust spray and the odd disemboweling saw kickback, I have plenty of free time in the shop to think. And what do I think about? Well, of course: I think of all the wondrous reasons why you should purchase my kazoos.
My first thought naturally goes to the major holidays:
  • What better way to express love, lust, and longing to your beloved on Valentine's Day!
  • Without a kazoo, Mardi Gras is just another parade.
  • A Mother's Day kazoo makes up for all those years when all you could think to send were flowers.
  • A Father's Day kazoo makes up for all those years you just blew it off.
  • Picture this for the Fourth: first the fire engines, then the high school majorettes, then that dumpy little "Queen of the Corn" float pulled by Uncle Jed's tractor, and finally your local kazoo band doing "It's a Grand Old Flag"!
  • "Columbia the Gem of the Ocean" on Columbus Day.
  • Forget Thanksgiving, you'll be too groggy!
  • And finally Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanza (have I been PC enough?).
    •  A kazoo for: Little Joshua, your hyperactive 6 year old nephew, son of the brother who always stole your lunch money.
    • Uncle John, whose uptight second wife has snubbed you at the last three family reunions.
    • Kimmy, your grand-daughter whose Mom, your own darling daughter, treated you like trash all through her teens.
But there are many other events ( if you live in the boonies and are unfamiliar with these more sophisticated "uptown" events, you can stage them yourself) where a quality kazoo is not just a luxury, it's a necessity.
  • That annual Kazoo Caroling Party at the Country Club. Show up with a plastic kazoo and you'll go straight to the "B" list.
  • All Little League games and soccer matches are now being opened with a group kazoo rendition of the "Star Spangled Banner". DON'T get on their bad side.
  • Kazoo weddings are becoming very chic. But if you want to help pipe the bride down the aisle, you must have a brand new quality kazoo or there will be 6 more weeks of winter.
  • There should be a kazoo at every mortgage burning, every retirement party and at every office party. In fact, there should be a kazoo in the desk drawer of every poor soul who works for a domineering boss. There should be a kazoo in every glove box in every car in America, and I promise you this…we could cut road rage by 50%. No, 75%!!! WITH A KAZOO IN EVERY GARAGE AND A KAZOO IN EVERY POT, WE COULD …………..whew! that one got away from me for just a moment!!
Well, you see what I mean. I think I'll go have some cold pop!